Saints Row: The Third Review

Good: Crazy Free Roaming Dildo Bashing FunBags
Bad: Slight Repetition

Years after taking Stilwater for their own, the Third Street Saints have evolved from street gang to household brand name, with Saints sneakers, Saints energy drinks and Johnny Gat bobblehead dolls all available at a store near you. The Saints are kings of Stilwater, but their celebrity status has not gone unnoticed.

The Syndicate, a legendary criminal fraternity with pawns in play all over the globe, has turned its eye on the Saints and demands tribute. Refusing to kneel to the Syndicate, you take the fight to Steelport, a once-proud metropolis reduced to a struggling city of sin under Syndicate control. Take a tank skydiving, call in a satellite-targeted airstrike on a Mexican wrestling gang, and defend yourself against a highly-trained military force using only a sex toy in the most outlandish gameplay scenarios ever seen, igniting a city-wide war that will set Steelport on fire. Saints Row®: The Third™ gives you control of the Saints at the height of their power, and you live the life to show for it. Now Steelport is ripe for the taking, and it’s up to you to make the city your own. Mould the skyline based on your choices, outfit your crew in classy gangster gear or furry costumes, and make life-or-death decisions that will change Steelport, and the Saints, forever. This is now your city. These are now your rules. Strap it on.

Campaign Mode The opening scene is a group of guys kicking the hell out of a guy, then he takes a drink of a saints row energy drink then kicked the hell out of them all,.. this then cuts to a bank robbery and one of the guys was watching it on his cell phone it was an advert for the Saints Energy Drink

During the robbery they stand for photo shoots with the public which is a giggle from the start as they are superstars! This made me feel that I was already at the top of my game loved the fact I didn’t have to work my way up. You take control of one of the main Saints characters. During the bank robbery (and in-between other missions) you are taken through basic training which is quite simple but effective and it quickly gets you up to speed with the controls while you blow up a bank to airlift the safe out of it, yes you heard airlift a safe out of a bank. After the bank you get to customise a character, if you customised one in the demo earlier this month then you can download that character and use him to play. This makes the game feel that little bit more personal.

As you get further into the game the story of what is happening and who is running the whole show comes to light, but this is a review not a spoiler so I am not going to push that info forward to you as you need to play it to find it out!!

I will say this, you come across clones of massive guys and you find the real one he joins The Saints in your crusade against the Syndicate..

Any way I don’t want to spoil things too much so I will talk a little more about your main “tools” that you’re going to cause havoc and panic through the streets of Steelport. Your main communications device is a smartphone which can be brought up by pressing the back button on the Xbox Pad, in which you have the following items:

• MAP = GPS excellent for finding the next target / mission
• Missions = As you progress through the game this box will light with a number giving you missions to take to earn much needed cash
• Saints Book = This has some standard cash earners inside such as Assassination’s / vehicle thefts and you can keep track on how you’re doing with the internal game challenges
• Upgrades = In here if you have the cash you can upgrade just about everything in the game including abilities / Combat / Gang Abilities and Vehicles there are lots more in there but hunt through them as they are there to help you through the game
• Music = in here you have 2 options Radio or Mix tape, in radio you can select / deselect the 8 pre-set radio channels, with the mix tape you can make a playlist of the channels
• Camera = by enabling the camera you can take pictures within game and upload them to your account @ there you can share with the world (this function appeared to work at time of review but couldnt find the images onnline at
• Phone = In here as you progress through the game you collect contact numbers to call people to help you out in situations and also to phone for a ride when you have just turned your ride into a ball of flames…
• Cash = in here you can add to the bank all the street cash you have collected from killing rival gang members and picking up cash from dead bodies…
• Extras = Cheats and Stats

As you progress you acquire vehicles from VTOL planes, Helicopter gunships, Cars are the main mode of transport though around Steelport and taking them to any Rim Jobs will enable you to access the fantastic customization tools to make that ride your own. You can store all your rides at the various cribs that you acquire as you progress through the game. Cribs These are safe houses where you can store vehicles / weapons and stop the police / gang notoriety, on each part of the city there are certain cribs to obtain such as the penthouse which has some great scenic views of Steelport.

Missions: Various missions have you doing various jobs like escorting clients around, taking them to brothels and avoiding the News reporters this will earn you some good money and respect to buy those ever important upgrades. All missions are over the top crazy but memorable pieces, you can rob banks, compete in murderbrawl, hack into virtual reality and ride bikes around virtual tunnels for cash, you can also skydive but with no parachute…one thing is guaranteed … you will not get bored!

Weapons: The weapons start with the typical pistols but the saints version which is obviously very cool.. plus shotguns and sub machine guns are in your cache of weapons, to choose weapons press and hold B then move the left stick to choose, same goes for items such as grenades, electric grenades, molotofs and flash grenades. All weapons have a leveling system which enable you to upgrade that weapon to receive better ammo, sights etc. Fully level the pistol to give you explosive bullets and also fully level the machine gun to add incendiary bullets which set the gangs on fire…As you progress you will earn weapons such as a device that lets you control any public car remotely, there is also number of stupidly fantastic weapons… but I will leave that for you to discover..

Gang Members: As you make new friends in Steelport, they will join you in battle. Some will appear within the phone section of the Smartphone mentioned above, some of them come with perks some with vehicles but all of them are ready to help the Saints. As you level up you receive perks that allow you to recruit passer bys into the Saints just to help you out of a sticky situation and believe me there are going to be loads this can be done by pressing up on the Dpad. Customisation No where would we be without customisation? Within Saints Row: the Third there is a plethora of customisation to suit even the most demanding of gamer.

Strongholds: as you progress through the game you will take over Syndicate strongholds which will then belong to the saints. In these you have your standard crib options ie a garage, heliport and of course you are able to upgrade these into skyscrapers earning you money and most of all respect which is the building block of the game.

Vehicles: Rim Jobs with the name that you would normally apply to a brothel is the place to modify your vehicle from performance upgrades such as nitrous, torque, tire durability as well as paint, tires, rims, trim, interior, and under glow lighting options are fully available down to the shade of pink that you want.

Image As Designed: Steelport’s premiere destination for plastic surgery, these shops can transform you into whatever you want to be whether sexy or superhero it can be done here, you will find these scattered around the city and they can be bought with your hard earned cash. There are a number of specialty stores in and around Steelport such as tattoo artists and various clothes shops you can pimp yourself out in.. pay them a visit they may have that look you’re looking for within the game.

Respect: As you earn respect from completing missions and completing challenges you unlock items within your arsenal, such as Increased hourly income, unlimited print, faster health regeneration, instant reload of weapons and most of all activities which I will go into in the next section of this review. Your respect rank goes all the way to 50, this will take a fair amount of time to reach.

Activities: As you progress and earn cash you unlock activities, there are a few to unlock and when you unlock them you can access them from various parts of Steelport.

Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax: Is a game show activity like no other game whow you will come across, this is one of my favourite activities, you kinda run the gauntlet trying to get from A to B via murderous traps and people shooting at you whilst hitting the correct targets to increase time / health and ethical awareness. You need to see this for yourself and not let me spoil this as its great fun to do.

Tiger Escort: This one you have to drive a tiger round in the back of the car to keep it calm, you need to power slide every now and again… it likes it.. if it didn’t it would chew you up and spit you out..

Mayhem: Cause as much monetary destruction as possible in a set time limit, and progress through the activity to master the hard difficulty setting, earning respect, cash and taking over a portion of the city.

Trailblazing: Within this activity you need to race across the city within a certain time limit, you can earn bonus time by blowing up vehicles.

Guardian Angel: you protect your guys below from a heli, trying to help in any way shape or form for them not to get killed, you will need to get your best sniper head on for this as there are some very long distance shots to be made.

Out of the main Campaign you have a few more modes as if the main campaign wasnt enough utter crazyness for you to handle, quick breakdown of them below…

COOP: Modes You can join coop seamlessly with a friend or joe public, you can complete campaign with them or try out Cat and Mouse where one of you have to hunt down and kill the other.. all in good fun…

Whored Mode: Whored mode is similar to Gears 3 Horde mode where you have to stop waves of ever increasingly difficult foes, ranging from lil cupids, to zombies to Gimps – I especially like the gimps as you get to use a giant purple dildo to twat them into next week lol…. All in all there are 3 maps and up to 30 waves of Whores… you can choose from a plethora of characters to take on this task Cyril was my weapon of choice.

Plus for all you DLC whores out there, you can get the Saints Row: The Third Season Pass is your discount ticket to some awesome DLC. Get the Season Pass and you’ll get access to three upcoming mission packs and the Nyte Blayde pack (which you can see above). Saving more than 15% if you bought all of the DLC separately.

Here’s what you get in the mission packs…

Genkibowl VII (Scheduled to be available January 2012)
The Wide World of Genki takes over Steelport for a sporting tradition totally and utterly unlike any other.

Gangstas in Space (Scheduled to be available Winter 2012)
The Saints go intergalactic in this science-fiction misadventure.

The Trouble With Clones (Scheduled to be available Spring 2012)
Copy-cat killing at its finest.

And here’s what you get in the Nyte Blayde Pack…

The Nyte Blayde Mobile
Travel Steelport in style with Nyte Blayde’s blood-red, vampire-hunting sports car.

Altar Boy Outfit
Innocence may be lost, but at least you still have the outfit.

Bloody Canoness Outfit
Join the Order, slay your mortal enemies, show some leg.

Bloody Canoness Bike
Vampires can fly, but so will you in this two-wheeled turbo-charged motorcycle of salvation.


Saints Row: The Third is a far from perfect game, the scenery lacks detail, some of the AI seem to get stuck and don’t expect too much from your gang members, they may be sexy and good with a gun occasionally, but sometimes they just stand there catching flies while you do all the work and occasionally having to revive them. But that said there is so much to do within Steelport that I can’t tell you about it all, so I won’t I will instead leave it to yourselves to go out and buy it for some fun All in all Saints Row is a fun destructive ride that will amuse even the most hardened gamer, there is nothing like twatting people with a massive dildo to cheer up someone’s afternoon.

Saints Row: The Third gets a Manic of 9 / 10 – this is due to its massive awesome free roaming maps, the sheer genius of inventing weapons that are huge dildo’s and for .. well… being one of the most fun games I have ever played.

No Comments

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

%d bloggers like this: